“Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.”
I entered into my marriage with all purity a woman can offer a man. In the very beginning itself, I had the intuition that something is not right. But, due to the way I was brought up I was supposed to suppress what I feel and my emotions, and be a good person to others, I suppressed my intuitions. I tolerated all his behaviour in the hope that he will change.  At many points I tried to express myself, I was made to believe that it was my adjustment problem and that it was my lack of love causing all problems. The sad fact is I never understood that he is manipulating me.  He was never satisfied with anything I did. I started to do everything to impress him, love him, satisfy him, attract him, seduce him, giving everything I had, never saying a “No”, but I was never enough. Little did I know that I was pouring into a cup with a hole, that I can never fill his cup, that I am getting drained out and empty.
Then my kids came into my life. God blessed me with 2 precious gifts. But he was not satisfied with that either. He started blaming me for not being a good parent and blaming me for everything that went wrong. He was always an absent parent, but made me believe that it’s all my fault. I was literally like a single parent who was running around to do everything smoothly, without involving him in anything, to maintain peace at home. There was always chaos when he entered the home. No peace, walking on egg shells.
Then I started asking for help from professionals realising that things are not going the right path. But at that time I don’t think even a psychiatrist knew what NPD was. I failed getting help. I asked for help from his family not knowing it was a family cult. I was made to believe that it was my lack of adjustment and prayers that made me think the way I did. According to my mother-in-law, her some is the most perfect man in the world.
As time passed, his hypocrisy started becoming louder.  Many times I decided to end the cycle of narcissism and try to escape. All these times, even though I was pictured as the bad person, I wanted to save my marriage, I wanted my kids to have their father with them, I forgot and forgave everything and went back. I didn’t realise that I was harming my kids too, more than benefiting them. The drama of divide n rule started, showing the difference between the kids as scapegoat and golden child. I couldn’t tolerate that. But still I kept fighting to make everything right .
During all these times I believed that it was all my fault. I wanted to find out what exactly the problem is. I started searching in Google. It’s then I realised that I am an empath. Reading further about it I accidentally came across an interesting topic “Empaths vs Narcissist” and bang, I found out the exact reason for my problems. It was like reading my own story.  It was like a hard blow on my head. His grandiosity, the manipulation, the love bombing, the gaslighting, the blame shifting, the emotional-financial-physical abuse, the underlying truth came to the surface. I was devastated. I went into clinical depression. Then I was led by God to a psychiatrist who helped me come out of it. I started reading more about NPD. Even when on medication for depression, I put in all efforts to save my marriage and there was not a single effort from his side. I started setting boundaries, tried the grey rock method, understood the patterns of manipulation and started prioritizing myself. As soon as he found out that I was no more stupid, he started saying that I am crazy.
I decided to “leave and heal” since he is the only person who is benefiting from this relationship. I started self-care, rebuilding my self esteem. I started taking steps to make myself financially independent, started doing meditation, started reading books, getting professional help from a psychologist and finally I left him.
I am currently of no contact with him for the past 1 year, trying to heal myself and rebuild my self esteem and self worth. I understand that it is quite natural to have upset and downs during this stage. I am not saying that the healing journey is smooth and that it’s a path without stones and thorns, but I am peaceful now, my kids are happy and peaceful, I am being my true self. 
I understand that there are a lot of people out there who are silently suffering the trauma of narcissistic abuse.  Please reach out for help, get professional help, join self help groups, learn to deal with everything alone. Learn to trust your gut feeling/intuition and say “NO”. No one is coming to save you, save yourself.
“Sometimes you have to make a decision that will hurt your heart but heal your soul.”

Regards,