Dear brave soul ,

  I know you deeply, and I genuinely understand the pain you’re experiencing right now. Because i’am you. Please don’t ever feel that you are alone. I want you to know, with all my heart, that you are not the only one facing this. There are so many others struggling too, caught in similar endless loop. But remember, healing is possible when we support each other. Everyone has a story filled with struggles and hardships, and in those stories, we can connect with each other , reminding us that we are never truly alone. 

It’s so hard to put into words everything I’ve been through, or even what I’m still experiencing. It feels like a storm of mixed emotions and endless confusion, leaving me feeling lost and overwhelmed. But through this note, I hope you can find a piece of yourself and feel a connection. Because, as I said before, I am you.

I went through a lot without truly understanding what was happening around me. I kept blaming myself, slowly losing the strength and confidence I had built. I was living in a fantasy world , thinking he was the only one who cared, while i failed to see the love from my family and friends . I gave him all my love, made him my priority, while ignoring my own worth. In return, I received nothing but pain. But still, I never stopped giving, since I know there is nothing to receive.

Before telling my story, let me introduce myself. 

I’m a young unmarried woman who spent nearly a decade in a toxic, narcissistic relationship. We met in school, fell in love, and when our parents found out, he walked away. I begged him to stay, but he chose the easy way out, leaving me heartbroken. I lost myself, and felt completely alone. I felt unloved and even thought of ending my life.

But somehow, I picked myself up. I focused on myself and regained everything I had lost and slowly found the old me again. I became stronger, happier, and finally started to move on.

Then he came back, begging for a second chance. I resisted, but love made me weak. I forgave him. This cycle repeated thrice. Each time, I believed his words, thinking he had changed. Blinded by love, I kept forgiving, not realizing I was losing myself again.

Throughout the relationship, I faced constant ignorance, silent treatment, and emotional abuse. He constantly makes excuses to avoid communication. I stayed up late , even sleepless nights, waiting for his calls that never came. When I complained or expressed my pain, he would get angry, block me, or disappear for days, blaming me for “creating problems” and accusing me of being dramatic. I was scared of losing him, so I hid my pain and stayed silent, sacrificing my own feelings just to keep him happy. But nothing changed, it only got more worse. Over time, I started to believe I was the issue. I grew confused and blamed myself for everything. But the truth is, he manipulated me into thinking that. I was never the problem. I was a victim of his mental abuse. 

In between all the pain, he showed small glimpses of love, just enough to keep me holding on. I stayed, craving that affection, I did everything to impress him, hoping he would show me love again.

 . I just wanted to be with him, but for him, it was all about lust. He masked his lust with fake affection, while I stayed silent, hurting inside. He made me suffer both physically and emotionally.  

Deep down I felt something was wrong, but I still blamed myself for doubting him. There were so many red flags and signs of cheating, and I chose not to see them.

I put up with everything, until the moment I found out he was cheating me. The pain of betrayal broke me deeply, but I rose stronger than ever. That was the breaking point, that crossed all the lines. I walked away bravely from that toxic relationship, with all the strength i had. And i’am very much proud of myself for having the courage to do so.

On the other side, he kept begging, and playing the same manipulative game and tried to trap me in his dramas. But i stood firm.

But deep down, I always wanted to go back. Later, I realized it was trauma bonding, not love. It wasn’t him I was holding onto, but the idea of who I imagined him to be.

I fell into depression and consulted a therapist for my recovery. Therapy saved me to an extend to find myself again. I knew he was a narcissist then and I felt myself sorry for everything i had been through. 

It’s been 7 months since I left, and 3 months of no contact. My therapist helped me find strength, and now I’m finally choosing myself. I’m healing now and finding peace again. 

  I never knew anything about narcissism and had no one to guide me. I wasn’t aware of the dark side of the relationship because I was living in an imaginary world. Now, everything is crystal clear to me

All i have to say is, this too shall pass.You are not stuck in this moment forever. You are stronger than you realize, and this moment does not define you. What you’ve survived has only made you more resilient. The feelings you carry now ; the pain, confusion, sorrow, they are all temporary. It will all fade away slowly as you give time for yourself. Slowly, as you begin to know yourself more deeply and love yourself unconditionally, everything will begin to shift. The moment you start giving yourself the love, care, and admiration you seek from somebody else, everything will change automatically. When that love comes from within, your world begins to heal in the most beautiful ways. Healing won’t feel good at first. It’s very hard i know ,because i’am still working on it.

  It’s okay to cry. Let it out. Don’t carry the weight alone. Share to a friend you trust the most or consult a psychologist, atleast pray to God. Whatever helps you release what’s heavy inside, do it. Even small steps like meditation, journaling, reading solo adventures, or learning something new can gently bring you back to yourself. Take care of your health. Nurture your glow. That’s the most powerful and peaceful form of healing and strength. 

Set clear boundaries, and never allow them to cross those lines again. They may create drama or offer empty promises, ones they’ve broken before. Don’t let yourself be drawn into their traps again, put an end to it with strength and clarity. This is the best revenge you could ever give to that person. 

Acknowledge that they are unlikely to change, and that they will keep repeating the same painful cycle forever.

They’re not thinking of you the way you’re thinking of them. If they were, you would feel it. Silence is an answer. Lack of effort is an effort. Harsh truth is they are not special, actually you made them special. You can take it back. Stop fantasizing about knocking on their door. That imaginary reunion you keep playing out in your mind is only holding you back. The second you stop romantisizing what hurt you, you will breathe easier. 

  You already know the story and climax right? so choose peace over reopening the old wounds. That chapter is over. Rereading it won’t change the ending. 

It’s better to close the window that hurts you ,no matter how beautiful the view is. Some memories may feel sweet, but they often carry the taste of unspoken pain. 

Let the memories stay, but let the person go. The journey ahead is filled with healing and possibilities. Be ready to embrace it. You deserve peace. You deserve joy. And above all, you deserve to be free.

With love ,

Another brave soul.